A Life Story

“A little more grace, a motive made pure, a few truths tenderly told, a heart softened, a character subdued, a life consecrated, would restore the right action of the mental mechanism, and make manifest the movement of body and soul in accord with God.”  (Mis Wr 354:15)

In 2003 I came out of college as a mature student, having gained a first class honours degree in Illustration.  At the same time my husband had become redundant after seven years at a commercial sculpting company.

This redundancy was, strangely, a blessing for the whole family, even though the company was small and only gave a few hundred as a redundancy package,  It meant that my husband was finally home.  (His work had involved him living away from home during the week and coming back on weekends.)   During this time of him being away I had gone through another pregnancy which made five children in all, and their dad being away was not very easy. So there we were with five children, a few hundred pounds, and £30,000 of debt.  Whilst my husband was working we were just about managing to pay off the monthly payments. Our children were all school ages, primary and secondary.

At this point we felt it would not be right to sign up for social security payments as we both had many skills between us, and felt God would lead us to the right places to use them.  So we signed up as self- employed, and were able to get some help towards food and bills etc.   What we didn’t realize was that in signing up as self employed this voided the right to claim on the insurance cover we’d taken out on the loans in case something like this happened.

Members of my family were not very impressed by our decision to not sign up for social security, but we felt this idea was accepting the fact that we were unemployed.  All the time I was doing my degree I was doing it to be employed and useful, not useless.   I was working on the idea that we are all employed by God and this employment is constant.   As soon as my husband had been made unemployed we both set up work together as a sculpting house, so signing on would have been dishonest. When we started our sculpting, in order for the project to succeed we had both made the decision to be absolutely honest in declaring all we earned, and never hiding anything, so signing on as if unemployed would have been wrong.

I quickly got to work with a website, as this was one of the skills I had learnt, and asked my parents for a early Christmas present which was to be a two year subscription to a website hosting company in order to get the site online. The hardest part of this was the constant barrage of phone calls from companies we owed money to.  These would start at 8.30 in the morning and continue till 8.30 at night.  Some of the calls were very aggressive and unpleasant.  That year at Association we were given Matthew 5-6-7 (the Sermon on the Mount) to study.  This is what I did, in fact I still read it through every Sunday.  It helped so much and brought huge amounts of comfort to me.  One part mentions “Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (Matthew 6, ‘The Message’)

I really had to understand this, for at first during this time of phone calls I found it hard to even get out of bed for fear of the abuse that was happening.  We were led to seek advice from an advice centre and this group kindly sorted out us paying small contributions to the companies until we could manage more.  We were so looked after, we even had a debt collector phoning us, after having knocked on our door, and giving us advice and help.  What at times felt like a grim experience was actually the most amazing journey of Love and joy.

Our eldest son was 16 at the time, and had a summer job.  He would leave home at 7.30 in the morning to ride his bicycle to work and arrive home at 7-8 o’clock at night having worked a full day cutting down trees. He gave most of his earnings to the family for food.   This taught my husband and me humility to accept the help from whatever source it comes, as this was a form of Gods grace in action.

We also at this time had taken in another 14 year old boy whose mother was having a few achohol related problems.  He only stayed a few months on and off but was provided for.  I remember that Christmas of 2003 was the most blest Christmas we had ever had.  My husband and I had made the children’s presents and we spent the Christmas with my mum and dad which was such a joy-filled, rich experience.  The children never moaned about not having enough, and we never did without food – in fact I became very inventive with the cooking! (I must admit though that pasta is now not the most popular of meals in our family!)

Before Christmas we been asked to give a donation to something, which I really wanted to do but did not have the money.  But whilst on the phone the idea came to make something for this friend who had given our family such support.  The idea was so strong that I just had to do it.  I had just enough copper in the house to make this sculpture, so got on with it and delivered it. Now this sculpture was the start of our change around.  The lady I’d made it for liked it so much she actually drove it down to a gallery near her and they loved it!   We were soon selling work at this gallery and were offered a show in July 2005.  Wow!  This was amazing.  We weren’t earning enough to support us but the supply started to trickle in.

I realized the importance of being grateful for every penny, as each penny was an idea of supply.  I found my self walking around being grateful for every thing from the toilet flushing to the flowers in the garden.  It was vital to keep being grateful.  This stopped the feeling of lack swamping us.  This gratitude made us all feel the richness of life that was the spiritual reality.  After all ‘Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need. It is not well to imagine that Jesus demonstrated the divine power to heal only for a select number or for a limited period of time, since to all mankind and in every hour, divine Love supplies all good.” (SH 494:5)

While my husband and I were busy working on the sculptures for the show, the children were amazingly supportive and at no point made us feel like failures.  The sense of joy was all around.  Our family was so close now with their dad home and Gods love embracing us all. There was still barely enough money, yet we never went without!

We had just put up the Christmas tree in 2004 when my husband picked up the phone.  It was my mother calling to say that my Dad had suddenly died after playing table tennis.   (I must say at this point that my dad won that match!)  They were in the Canary Isles at the time.   I was extremely close to my parents, as were the children.  When my husband told me it felt like this was the end. How much more could this family take.  Dad was such a great guy and spent lots of time with the boys.  I phoned my Christian Science teacher and she worked with me for calm.  I had to really centre on my Dad’s qualities and see that these fantastic qualities were still there, alive not dead, never ending.  I met mum at the airport.   She was a practitioner so her thought was strong.  I stayed with her for a month whilst my lovely husband took care of things at home with the children. 

Eventually it was decided that mum didn’t want to live on her own, so she came to live with us in our already burgeoning home.  We still were struggling financially but my mother and brother insisted on settling our debts, most of which were settled at a half the cost as we didn’t have to pay the payment protection plan off.

Once mum had moved in she decided that it would be best to live by the sea, so during the next year my husband and I had a show and somehow managed to get all the work done as well as travelling from Cornwall to Inverness looking for properties to buy.  The show was great but we sold very little, so were still not earning.  Mum helped with the bills and we all tried to live together.  This was a very big learning curve, as the last time mum and I had lived together was 20+ years ago!  Fortunately we were both pray-ers!  I had to learn grace and tolerance (which I am still learning) and she had to learn to let go of my past, and not hold it over me.

After my husband and I travelled across Britain it became apparent that we should all stay put, so Mum decided to do up our house in order to make space for her. I stuck firmly with the passage from Misc called Angels.  This passage was with me always.  It states ‘“ He shall give his angels charge over thee.” God gives you His spiritual ideas, and in turn, they give you daily supplies. Never ask for tomorrow: it is enough that divine Love is an ever-present help; and if you wait, never doubting, you will have all you need every moment.’” Mis Wr 307)  This helped me see that God was governing all we were encountering supplying us with the strength, wisdom and covering our needs .

So much prayer was happening, even during the builders doing our house. We were very involved with this process and were unable to do much work of our own, so still no income, I had to see that this was my job at the moment, being there for Mum.  Even my husband was asked to do many things for Mum, so we were both busy working for her.  She was such a strength for our home, and it was good to have another pray-er in the house. 

Finally the house was finished summer 2006 and in order to make the room for the revamp, our workshop moved from our basement into a proper unit.  I didn’t want to move unless God was moving us.  I had to understand I am always in my right place, as God is there with me.  It was interesting how this worked out.  When we were doing the show my husband was so busy helping Mum that he didn’t have much work, so the idea came to cast a tall ceramic sculptural head he had made for my Dad in bronze.  I remembered a place near us that did this sort of casting and the guy cast it up, as well as some other pieces.

After this in 2005 he asked if I could make up some pamphlets for advertising his company, so I said I would do it as a favour.  He’d come round to our house to pick up the pamphlets, just at the time we were looking for a workshop.  Then he mentioned that there was a place spare above him!   We went to see the man that owned the estate and he said he’d let the premises to us if we could provide a bank reference.  I explained that we couldn’t do this as we were blacklisted, and he said he would accept a month in advance instead. So in two weeks we were in! My Mum said she would pay for this, as I pointed out we had no money coming in for extras like this. The workshop was such a blessing,   I am sure the working out of it must have been from God.

February 2007 we still weren’t earning huge amounts and having to be extremely careful, although my lovely Mum was still helping.   One morning we were to leave for work, and we hadn’t seen Mum that morning - but as she was a practitioner she was generally on the other end of the phone.  My husband took the post up to her, to find she had passed away in the night, very peacefully.

The passages I was told to read were John chapters 14 to 17.  This was such a comfort to us all, along with the realisation that Mum had never gone anywhere. I still feel her loving, fun qualities now. What this experience did teach me was to find and use Christian Science more and get to know God properly, I started to really enjoy reading and studying.  I was given a gift subscription to the Sentinel.  This was huge for me.  I gained so  much encouragement from this periodical.  It made me realise that there were other Christians Scientists out there working, using daily the practical teaching of Christian Science. I could see that this truly is a meeting the needs of all humanity, not just nice words.

I joined my branch church – in fact my daughter dragged me there, as Mum had previously taken her whilst I spent time at home with the boys. Joining the church was great.   I was welcomed and soon became second reader. Sometimes the boys would come to the service and even my husband.  My husband started to read various books relating to Christian Science, and this was lovely as it also meant he didn’t mind me sharing ideas with him.   This is something I would have normally done with Mum.  So, nothing was lacking!

We still weren’t earning any real money, though I had inherited some money.  Then I was asked if I would do an animated Bible story. I said yes!  At the time it looked like I was to get payment for it, but in the end the group wasn’t able to come up with the finances for it, but I decided I would do it anyway.  It was a five minute animation.   This took months to produce, and during this time I also had the idea to do a show with the gallery we were selling from.  At the time we didn’t realize how much this was going to cost, but we got on with it.  My husband drew up the designs for the show and they were accepted.   This was for a garden show – quite a prestigious event – and generally first time submissions were not accepted...but ours was!   The gallery got on with the garden side of it and we made the sculptures.   The money we had inherited went towards this event, as it was a good venue to advertise yourself.

All along I was praying and being willing to be led to do the right things. I think the study of the weekly Lesson and periodicals really kept us calm and on track.  Even at the last moment when the man that did our casting pulled out due to illness we were led to the right people to take over.  We did really well at the show, having gained a gold medal.   Again this almost never happens – first time entries getting a gold.  This was amazing. 

However, unfortunately the gallery hadn’t put our names down on the program, so publicity was virtually nothing.   This taught me to be forgiving.   It would have been so easy to be bitter and angry about this situation, and at first I was, yet I had to go back to the Mathews 5-6-7 and really live forgiveness for myself and them.  

Once again there we were struggling for money not knowing how to cope.   At the same time I got a email from the group I had made the animation from, asking me to attend a meeting in America that coming September!   All the costs were paid, and off I went I spent four days there.  It was such an amazing quiet, prayerful time, with no children around or family demands.   I was able to just read and read.

No work appeared to come from the meeting and we were still not earning, yet when I looked back on the year that was supposed to be our breakthrough year for work, I realized it actually had been – not for the work as such, but for the study and understanding of Christian Science.  I was gaining the understanding that there are no useless ideas, but God’s ideas are perfect, working together in harmony, with no friction or conflict.  There is no lack of ideas any more than with numbers, as ideas are limitless, fetterless, free, infinite, ever growing, with all ideas blessing each other.   My part in this was to trust, to love God, to be patient and still, to know God is loving me and all.

The funny thing is these thoughts would sometimes hit me when reading at the desk in church, and I ‘d find myself grinning broadly!  All in all, centring my thought with God, seeing that it is God I am first answerable too, not man, has protected and helped me keep it together for what could have been four unbearable years.  Instead they were four years of growing together as a family, and four years of never lacking what we needed.  God has been a practical director and producer, just as long as I was willing to be directed and led, putting away my will and accepting God’s. 

The other revelation I had came at three o’clock in the morning.   I had been questioning over and over where was it all going wrong.  Each time we had a project for work it would end up being tarnished due to out of pocket scenarios, or in the garden case all our money disappearing.   This revelation came so strongly and clearly: all the time we were making the work, and I was thinking “well, this one will bring in this much, and this one that much,” I was seeing the work as income, not Soul’s expression of beauty, joy.  I was actually limiting Mind.   The work was never the source of our income – God, infinite Mind, is the constant source of our income.  The work is our demonstration of Soul.

After this revelation the phone started to ring, emails happened, and work came in!  And there were quite amazing things.   Firstly, I was asked to design and make a trophy for an award.   Next, I heard from a guy I’d met at college.  We met on the first day and got on very well.  He heard that my husband was a commercial sculptor and could sculpt anything.   He got in contact with us six years later, when he was doing really well with his illustrative work, and asked my husband to sculpt one of his illustrations for a show in New York!   Now this is where the idea of no useless ideas comes into play.  My husband had selflessly worked away for all those years refining his skills to a point where he could sculpt anything.  We’d been wondering why this had been so tough, but here he was being recognised at last for the skilled worker that he is.

I also didn’t mention that during the difficult years of financial debt it was my husband that was the angel that kept saying ‘things are good, we are coping!’  Whilst the show was on one of my sons friends texted him saying to look on various websites, and there was my husbands name in lights getting a mention for sculpting this piece of work.  When my friend came back he said it stole the show, and would my husband like to go into business together with him producing these vinyl collectable toys.   My husband had learnt all the skills need to put this into production when he was away in London working all those years ago.

In order to do this we needed a special type of pump to vacuum out air bubbles.  It was to cost thousands, but my husband courageously phoned around his old work colleagues and they rallied around and found him a pump he can use for free for a few months until the business takes off. What a proof of Gods provision!

Next I got a phone call from the organisation in America I’d done the animation for, and they asked me to do another, but this time they would pay the full amount required.   I also had wondered why I had taken the Illustration degree and taken the hardest options involving learning animation.  There it was justified in that phone call.  God had been preparing my husband and me all along.

I am so grateful to Christian Science for being there.  In order for us to get through this experience we always had to keep God, gratitude and joy right up front in thought. The award trophy, and the work for the organisation, needed wisdom and a strong acknowledgement that mortal mind cannot dictate the terms or hold up the  work.   I learnt such wisdom on these two jobs to ask what I needed and not give in to unreasonable payments.  I had to value these ideas honestly, and the result was getting paid the amount we had requested.

Today right now we have all we need.  I must not look back with regrets for being unwise and sometimes having wrong ideas, but I must look forward realizing that we only have good ideas as this is God’s law.  We are all complete, full God’s good ideas, and these ideas never run out.