Challenges

I've had a very challenging year. Throughout the challenges, I have also had many practical examples of God's care and support.  But I've been struggling to know how to write about all this for the fruit basket.  The experience of the last year has given me cause to think more deeply about God, His relationship with me as a human being, and what it means to me to be a child of God.  I'm asking lots of questions, searching for answers, and somehow that doesn't feel like a 'neat' place from which to send a contribution!  But I won't let that stop me.  I'll tell you about a couple of very memorable experiences which have happened at times when the challenges have been at their toughest.

At one point, I was feeling overwhelmed, and alone.  I'd already exhausted all human routes of support - copious amounts of professional advice, advice from trusted mentors, hours of internet research etc etc but with conflicting results.  And I just couldn't seem to hear God's voice.  I remember going up to my room and just thinking "God if you really exist, you need to let me know... now".   First, I reached for my Bible, and it opened to the story of Hezekiah.  "Be strong and courageous, be not afraid nor dismayed for the king of Assyria, nor for all the multitude that is with him; for there be more with us than with him.  With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the Lord our God to help us, and to fight our battles."  Such perfect words to reassure me.  But of course I'd find those in a book all about God, written by people with a strong faith, for the purpose of helping others believe in God.  So God had more in store for me to cover that doubt.

An hour or so later, I picked up a book a friend had just lent to me, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.  The friend had warned that I might find it 'lightweight', so I certainly wasn't expecting revelation.  But the precise pages I turned to were exactly right for my line of questioning.  They spoke about the author's search for meaning in her life, and ultimately for a version of 'God' which meant something deep to her.  Reading her words helped consolidate the words I'd read in the Bible earlier.  I was filled with a certain sense of the Love that unites us all, beyond denomination, and of the angels that speak to each of us of God's presence.  It reminded me of the universality of this search, and of the fact that millions have found that deep connection with God/ Love/ Spirit right when they most need it.  It also reminded me that it's not an easy or neat thing to define or record in human terms, but that doesn't stop or hamper the search.  This in turn helped me realise that there was no such thing as a 'perfect' human decision that I needed to find to turn an imperfect situation into a humanly 'perfect' one.  It gave me the courage I needed to stay the course over the period of the next few months as the situation got more challenging.