Darling Mum

My darling mum passed on last summer. I know she is perfectly all right. And that we, her chicks, are all right too. Here’s the “yes, but” – I miss her so much. Her vitality, her sheer joy of living, her mischievous sense of humour, that huge smile, and her bear hugs.

My family are not Christian Scientists but mum had a wonderful view on life and spirituality. I was so proud of the way she handled the diagnosis in early 2009 and what was a pretty uncomfortable stay in hospital. Although the first operation was a success there was a series of unexplained complications that kept coming at mum out of left field. And she just kept on batting them back, never once feeling sorry for herself.  And she was still in charge; still “the mother” keeping her chicks in order.

We all had a special year individually with mum when she came home in June 2009. She was different with each of us and it is only now by sharing our individual experiences all four of us are finding out so much more about her!

My time with mum was every Saturday. She looked so well, was so well, and, instead of doing ordinary things, we talked for hours about all kinds of things sometimes until it was too dark to see each other! Special memories.

It was a shock when things went wrong early last year. When our family learned that mum would need a second major operation I got to work on my own fear. I hit the books big time and the Lesson Sermons were so very helpful. And the “whumph” thoughts – Fenella knows about THOSE ones; they come out of the blue in bold italics – were wonderful. In particular “The only thing in operation right now is the divine law of Love.”

When my sister was seriously ill some years back I knew I couldn’t exactly work for her as she had not asked for help but I knew I could get to work on my own fear. The claim was a growth and it was so fast and so serious the situation looked grim. I felt as if I had a tangible weight somewhere in my middle, weighing me down, and it was difficult to think through the fear. So I went to my special place. Remember in Class Fenella said we should all have a place where we can do our work and get close to God? I live in a shoe-box and my special place was the bath! As I gently simmered there I asked “What do I need to know?” and the answer came: “You don’t need to know, you need to YES!” Puzzled I was and then I realised I needed to think about simple statements of truth I could say “Yes” to about my sister.  By the time I got out of the bath that awful weight of worry and fear had totally gone.

The next day came the news that the growth had entirely disappeared. But instead of being happy about it the doctors were nervous, confused, and worried. Just where had it gone? I told Sue not to worry about it and when she came home we had a long talk about things. At about midnight she said “Is that why my growth disappeared?” I said “Very probably” and she sat back satisfied. She has since said she has never forgotten her experience and that talk.

But. This time I couldn’t seem to handle my fear. It was so hard seeing someone I loved getting weaker. I felt inadequate, lost, and a failure. At the lowest point I said to my sister that I was losing my faith, what was it all about. She said very gently “don’t lose your faith, please don’t, look what you did for me, twice!”

That’s when I entrusted mum to God’s care. I put down the load of care I had been carrying and each time I was tempted to see a frail picture I shut my eyes and remembered all the qualities my mum expressed, and was continuing to express.

The wonderful care she received at the Hospice was so uplifting. The love shown to all the patients and their families was a very great balm and the atmosphere was positive, light, and upbeat. A lot of laughing was going on!

I knew mum wanted me to write the Order of Service for the celebration of her life. Here comes a wonderful “whumph” – the boys, my younger brothers, said that it should be all about joy because Joy is the name everyone in the village knew her by (her real name was Joyce) as she brightened the lives of everyone she came across.  When, as Second Reader, I had deputised for the First Reader one Wednesday the thought had come: “Joy cometh in the morning.”  So it seemed so very right and so very natural to adapt some of the readings for mum’s service. In particular the blessing. Normally this is chosen by the Chaplain but Brenda, the Hospice Chaplain who led mum’s service, said it couldn’t be bettered: “The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17.

And, instead of the Lord’s Prayer being taken at breakneck speed, we played the beautiful solo recorded by our soloist and our organist in our church of the sung Lord’s Prayer. My sister had been hesitant about it but while we listened she took my hand and said it was “just beautiful.”

When I study the Lesson Sermon I often feel prompted to look up ‘ordinary’ words in the dictionary and am amazed at the results! The definitions are so spiritual they take my breath away. Just a few months after mum’s spiritual journey began I was on duty in the Reading Room and picked up the January 2011 Journal. It had a section on Questions, based on the question and answer columns in the early Journals when Mary Baker Eddy was Editor. One question said: “Sometimes the ideas in Christian Science seem so abstract and unrelated – especially when faced with aggressive challenges such as a family member dealing with cancer. How can we stay strong in our faith in Christian Science and its effectiveness when the material picture seems so different from ‘spiritual reality?’ Wow! I had to read THIS one. 

One of the answers contributed stated: “We must look deep into realism instead of accepting only the outward sense of things” Science and Health page 129. Looking “deep”, instead of believing what the physical evidence is telling us about someone, requires great courage and spiritual love. You might ask yourself, “What is this individual’s true substance – those spiritual qualities that make them who they are? What is it that you love that is so good and wonderful about them? In your list, you might have, for example, tenderness, kindness, warmth, and JOY. It might be helpful, in deepening your understanding of someone’s spiritual identity, to LOOK UP THE WORDS ON YOUR LIST IN THE DICTIONARY, and study them in the Bible and in Mrs Eddy’s writings. And to give gratitude for the fact that the spiritual substance this study reveals to you is the reality of their being.”

I do it all the time! Look words up in the dictionary! Awesome.

The answer finishes: “Don’t give up!” referring to deep prayer. “It is powerful because it is an expression of God’s love, and you are in the family to bear witness to that Love – and that is wonderful!”

During all this time I have been challenged with a very aggressive physical claim of ringing in the ears which is intrusive and scary. I had a “whumph” just recently: “Just because humanly there is no cure doesn’t mean I cannot recover.” I was a bit worried about the word ‘recover’ because it seems to indicate that the condition was ‘real’ when we learn in Science that material conditions are an illusion. However, I have learned to be obedient to my “whumphs” so I decided to look up ‘recover’ in the dictionary. The definition says: “Regain possession or use or control of; acquire or FIND OUT again; RECLAIM; regain calm-ness and control of.” And here’s the “whumph” – “CEASE TO FEEL THE EFFECTS OF!”