"Precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little and there a little." Isaiah 28:10
"Precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little and there a little." Isaiah 28:10
Some years ago I was in an abusive relationship with my mother, who at that time was a very severe alcoholic. The more aggressive and difficult my mother’s behaviour was, the more I condemned myself for not being more compassionate towards her. In some way I felt I had brought about this situation by not being a better daughter. I was generally quite depressed and my self-esteem was very low. In fact my life was pretty hellish at the time.
However, it was also around this time that I first started studying CS. I was in touch with a Practitioner and was muddling along with the Lesson, not really feeling I was understanding much but it was a lifeline and was having a more profound effect than I realized.
One day a friend who had witnessed a particularly painful episode with my mother said: “You don’t have to put up with that, you know.” That simple statement gave me such a jolt. It was like someone snapping their fingers to bring me out of the hypnotic trance I was in. I had at some level been consenting to the abuse. It was a big turning point for me. It truly was an angel message from Love and my thought was prepared enough to receive it.
Over the next months I was able to gradually let go of trying (and failing) to get my sense of self-approval from my mother, who was in any case completely unable to give it to me, and to “borrow it from a higher source.” There followed over the next months and years, a much more satisfactory situation for my mother who is now in a place where she is properly cared for according to her needs, and she no longer drinks. And I am now able to do things for her out of genuine affection and “just because she is my mother.” The abuse has stopped, and she even acknowledges the things I do for her from time to time, though I no longer need her to.
I have learned that it was impossible for me to be a good neighbour, a good Samaritan or even a good daughter without “feed(ing my own) famished affections” from the divine Source first. Rather like putting on your own oxygen mask in an aeroplane which you must do before you attempt to help anyone else.