True Identity

For some time I have been working to have a clearer sense of my own identity.  I had been feeling almost extinguished in some of my close relationships, especially relationships wiwth men, and I knew this had to change.

As part of my search, I decided to look up and study all texts in Mrs Eddy’s writings on “individuality.”  This was the one that particularly caught my attention:  “Christian Science translates Mind, God, to mortals.  It is the infinite calculus defining the line, plane, space, and fourth dimension of Spirit.  It absolutely refutes the amalgamation, transmigration, absorption, or annihilation of individuality.  It shows the impossibility of transmitting human ills, or evil, from one individual to another; that all true thoughts revolve in God’s orbits: they come from God and return to Him, – and untruths belong not to His creation, therefore these are null and void.”  I really started to hang onto the idea that my true individuality could never be extinguished, or damaged, or taken over in any way.

A few days after this intensive study I was having a heated exchange with my husband about how to approach a discussion about sex with our son who is just fifteen and has a new girlfriend.  My husband’s approach was very laissez-faire, saying that our son would have sex when he was ready for it and that would be OK.  I disagree strongly with my husband, feeling that these ‘adult’ things need to be consciously postponed.  My husband, who is not religious, then accused me of being on a moral high horse, and spoke quite strongly and nagatively about my approach to the subject, dismissing it.  I started to feel powerless and angry.  And then a remarkable thing happened.

I started to notice that what was debilitating me was not what my husband was saying, but my belief that my opinion was invalid if it conflicted with his.  Almost immediately my view on the subject, which had become quite blurred in my thinking, came back sharply into focus, and along with that I could see quite clearly the reasonableness and validity of myi position.  I stopped feeling afraid, angry and desperate, and I just let the truth speak for itself through me.

I quietly denied that I was a ‘religious fanatic’ and stated quite clearly and calmly and without aggression that I believed that certain things, like sex, were better postponed until the individual concerned was more mature.  My husband then said he would talk to our son about the subject, and that I must too, because my opinion was important!

This was a breakthrough for me in my change of perception and the immediate change it brought in our communication with each other.